pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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