Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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