hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
