I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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