Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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