Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
