I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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