i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
