legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
