So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
