I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
