Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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