When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
