HIV tests are more positive than that guy
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
