how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
