the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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