Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
