dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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