Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
