Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
