Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
