I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I faked an abortion last night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
