I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
