just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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