We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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