dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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