I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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