Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
