The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
