proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
