I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize