maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
