How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
