i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize