Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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