i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
