What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
