people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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