I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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