You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
