3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
