her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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