then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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