Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
