tell your sister to shave her snatch
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize