I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
