Your mouth is God's brothel.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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