I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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