I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
