Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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