i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well I just put wine in my tea
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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