hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
These tits shall not be calmed
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
