Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
