looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
