I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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