I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
