Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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