I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
