So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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