If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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