I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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