First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
