i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
