Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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