the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
