I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
