dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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