We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
