I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
