I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
