he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize