you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
